Not to be......

Today while coming home I saw an old friend of mine walking down the road. Its been years since I met her and ideally I should have walked up to her and spoken. But I simply made sure that she had not seen me, crossed the road and walked away. I walked some distance and wondered why I did that. And then I realized that I have been doing that for quite some time now..... Missing calls, not meeting up with people, not returning messages. Sometimes genuinely but many times not.....

Wondering aloud..... I am not the kind of person to run away from people. I would rather be the one who is "there" to help out anyone and everyone in need. Then why suddenly I dont see a point in "maintaining" relationships anymore.

Maybe because I have realized that no matter what you do, separation is inevitable. Separation by misunderstanding, separation by distance, separation by circumstances and if not these, then separation by death. You can support and comfort a person with all your might, but it may not take them a moment to abandon you in your time of need. A person who you have know all your life may one day turn away and leave, not out of compulsion but out of will. And relationships that are supposed to last a lifetime die a slow painful death. Then there is death that strikes to permanently break ties that are built in a lifetime

Sure there are times of happiness only relationships can bring........ but are those times really worth so much ....to invest so much of yourself in them. I dont really know. I think its better to reinforce the emotional walls and not let people come in. Ultimate detachment. Isnt that ancient wisdom too?

Am I bitter? Yes. Am I angry? YES. But at the same time I am a bit more smarter and a lot more practical.